Shep Speaks Out on Charter Amendment

In a Bunion exclusive, City Mangler Mark "Shep" Shepard agreed to be interviewed on Ballot Measure 2-159, in front of a live studio audience.

The Bunion: So, Shep, tell us why you're  backing 2-159.

Mark Shepard: Well, B, it comes down to efficiency in local government.  Most people have no idea how much effort it is for me to get nine elected councilors to align with my goals.  They tend to come in with their own ideas and be pretty insubordinate.  Measure 2-159 does a lot to rectify that.

TB:  Let's break this down.  There are three parts to the measure:  reducing the number of wards, increasing the council term from two to four years, and introducing term limits.  Let's start with that last one.  What are your thoughts?

MS: That one's mostly to sweeten the deal.  For me, it's a wash.  It ensures that a recalcitrant councilor can't stay on indefinitely. That's a plus. They can be really hard to get rid of, though goodness knows I've tried.  The down side, of course, is that it's also the case for a more pliable one.  We mostly just threw that in there because we thought it would draw in a few more votes.

TB: How about the four year terms?

MS:  Now that's important.  With the current two years, just when you get a councilor under your thumb, they can get replaced, especially when my policies aren't popular with the voting public.  That almost happened in the last election, when one of my strongest allies nearly got taken out by a weak candidate.  Two year terms mean a lot of work to just tread water, and very inefficient.

TB: Finally, tell us about reducing the number of wards.

MS: This part is sheer genius, if I do say so myself.  Over the long run, it just makes things so much easier.  Six councilors is a third fewer to have to flatter or bully.  Much less effort.  And with an even number, the mayor will break the tie more often.  So that really helps when you've got the Mayor in your pocket.  And in the short run, it will force a redistricting without waiting for the next census in 2030, so you can gerrymander away a pesky ward or two.  It really combines a lot of  benefits in one innocuous-sounding bullet point.

The real point of all of this is to make City government more efficient, and the fewer decision makers involved, the better your results. 

TB:  Just like in Germany in 1932, right?  Get the trains running on time and all that.

MS: Well, we're only taking baby steps right now, but yeah, a man can dream, can't he? 

Maughan Surprised by Shepard Candidacy

Indignant at the entry of Mark "Shep" Shepard into the Mayoral race, incumbent Charles Maughan insisted he has bent over backwards to further the City Manager's agenda.  "Look, I don't know why he feels like he has to jump in like that.  I just can't imagine why he's not satisfied with my performance.  I've always backed him in every way possible."

"When he tried that power-grab-slash-character-assassination against one of the City Councilors, I was there for him.  I took real risks.  We were violating the Constitution.  We could have gone to jail.  That's loyalty."  The Mayor looked bemused for a moment.  "At the very least he could have lost his job, but I made sure he didn't.  I'm still not sure how we pulled that one off." 

"And what about the Shepard-Maughan Civic Campus?" he continued.  "Spending tens of millions on new buildings during a budget crises isn't popular with the voters, to put is mildly, but we found a way to borrow the money without putting it on the ballot.  Sure, I wasn't clever enough to come up with that, but I support it, OK?  Can't he see that?"

The Mayor momentarily brightened.  "He promised me I could have a corner office.  Almost as big as his!"  Then his face fell.  "If only I can get him to like me again.  I hope the new flyers help."

 

 

Shepard Announces Bid for Mayor

In a surprise move, Corvallis City Manager Mark "Shep" Shepard threw his hat into an already crowded ring in the race for Mayor.  Since the window for actually being on the ballot has already closed, his will be a write-in campaign.  "I'm a naturally modest guy, so I never considered running myself, but Councilors Cadena and Mayer convinced me it was the right thing to do," he said in a press conference on Friday. "I've been ruling by proxy for years, so this should greatly increase the efficiency of city government.  It just makes sense."